| Comedy, comedy, Comedy, Comedy, Comedy, Comedy | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
| The story of Jack Schitt | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
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Jack is the only son of Awe Schitt and O. Schitt. Awe Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married O. Schitt, the owner of Kneedeep N. Schitt, Inc. In turn, Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt, and the deeply religious couple produced 6 children: Holie Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Giva Schitt, Bull Schitt, and the twins: Deap Schitt and Dip Schitt. Against her parents' objections, Deap Schitt married Dumb Schitt, a high school drop out. After being married 15 years, Jack and Noe Schitt divorced. Noe Schitt later married Mr. Sherlock, and because her kids were living with them, she wanted to keep her previous name. She was then known as Noe Schitt-Sherlock. Dip Schitt married Loada Schitt and they produced a nervous son, Chicken Schitt. Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt were inseparable throughout childhood and subsequently married the Happens brothers in a dual ceremony. The wedding announcement in the newspaper announced the "Schitt-Happens" weddings. The Schitt-Happens children were Dawg, Byrd, and Hoarse. Bull Schitt, the prodigal son, left home to tour the world. He recently returned from Italy with his new bride, Pisa Schitt. So now when someone says, "You don't know Jack Schitt," you can correct them. | |||||||||||||||||||||||
| Life's greatest question | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
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Question: Why did the chicken cross the road? Albert Einstein: Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road moved beneath the chicken depends upon your frame of reference. Bill Clinton: I don't recall. Bill Gates: I have just released the new Chicken Office 2000, which will not only cross roads, but it will lay eggs, file your important documents AND balance your checkbook. Unfortunately, when it divides 3 by 2 it gets 1.4999999999. Buddha: If you ask this question, you deny your own chicken nature. Darwin: Chickens, over great periods of time, have been naturally selected in such a way that they are now genetically dispositioned to cross roads. Dr. Seuss: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes! The chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed it, I've not been told! Ernest Hemingway: To die. In the rain. Fox Mulder: You saw it cross the road with your own eyes. How many more chickens have to cross the road before you believe it? Grandpa: In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken had crossed the road, and that was good enough for us. L.A. Police Department: Give me ten minutes with the chicken and I'll find out. Machiavelli: The point is that the chicken crossed the road. Who cares why? The end of crossing the road justifies whatever motive there was. Moses: And God came down from the heavens, and he said unto the Chicken, "Thou shalt cross the road." And the Chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing. Oliver Stone: The question is not "Why did the chicken cross the road?" But is rather "Who was crossing the road at the same time, whom we overlooked in our haste to observe the chicken crossing?" Pat Buchanan: To steal a job from a decent, hardworking American. Ralph Waldo Emerson: The chicken did not cross the road it transcended it. Richard M. Nixon: The chicken did not cross the road. I repeat, the chicken did not cross the road. | |||||||||||||||||||||||
| Apple (Mac) or Crapple (IBM) | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
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Higher price, better computer,cheaper price,cheaper computer. This is the controversy | between IBM and Macintosh computers. I say that Macs are better and so do 11 out of 14 people in our class according to a recent survey. These are some comments that the surveyed made. Zac Weinberg -- 12/4/98 -- Macs will not spaz out in 2000 while your IBM are going to melt down unless you have a special program that costs hundreds of dollars.IBMs are very badly corded,have worse graphics,and are not as user friendly as Macs. With an IBM you have to program everything, but with a Mac you can whip it out and have it up and running in ten minutes. Gerry Hart--12/16/98-- I think personally that IBMs are better because they are used inter-nationally,are cheaper,and have a wider selection of software from anti-viruses to games and entertainment. In my research I tried to find the best deal on a computer for Macs and IBM. For macs I found a $3000 Power Mac G-3 microprocessor and operating system 8.5. This comes with speakers, a printer,a built in Zip drive, and a keyboard. I found this same deal for IBM but with windows 95 instead of a Mac Operating system, and it costs almost twice as much, $5,000! About the only thing that I like about IBM is the selection of software. You can get the same things for MAC as you can IBM, but it is harder to got hold of them. Now, if you want to play games,games and more games all day and no work get an IBM, But if you want to have a fun, easy to use, family computer get a Mac. In conclusion I state that not only are IBM�s pricy but your buying the worst pile of crap Iv�e ever seen in my life.
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